Day One: Ramen lips
Line failure. Not the words you want to come across on your way to the airport when that particular tube is the only one going to Heathrow. Thankfully crisis and misadventure are common occurrences in my life. Not only did I get myself to the terminal with plenty of time to spare, but I also found time to save an American girl in the same predicament, leading her like Moses via the Overground Express. "Hero, Saviour." Those were her words.The flight to Tokyo is 11 hours from London and was actually pretty easy. I can't sleep on flights but managed to get a few short naps in and came out of it all pretty fresh. Upon landing I did as all good boys do, sending Mum a txt telling her I had safely arrived in Narnia (auto-correction of Narita). I was officially here.
It had been 6 years since I'd last been to Tokyo and within 5 minutes of arriving in Shibuya, the familiarities of the place immediately struck me. Chiefly, the shear amount of Chans (Chellz catch of phrase to describe Orientals (more on her later)). There are people everywhere, buzzing around like bees, small and purposeful.
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| Behold Shibuya |
Although I was feeling frisky, I wasn't feeling risky so found sanctuary in a Tokyu Plaza Mall in my quest for Ramen. The place I chose looked nice and although there were no English explanations, I saw from the plastic dish samples they had in the window that Ramen was on the menu for a very decent ¥900 (much cheaper than in London).
I was greeted and sat down in the restaurant but immediately baffled by the Kanji written menu, sitting there confused. Luckily a mother and daughter seated at the table next to me took pity, and translated as their English was pretty good. They identified a suitable choice on the menu (a beautiful wild duck Ramen) which I feasted upon, chatting to them pleasantly. They were very lovely and the mother had been learning English for 20 years and had even been to NZ! The daughter gave me her business card and asked me to add her on Facebook, just in case I needed any more help. What a fortunate chance encounter it happened to be, so early in the trip.
The apartment was in the suburb next to Shibuya called Ikejiri-Ohashi which my sister had found on airbnb. Took me a little while to locate it myself and there was a bit of confusion as I thought I had to collect a key, when the guy had just left it inside the unlocked apartment for us. The door was actually ajar when I arrived to the empty house. Security obviously not a big concern in central Tokyo. I chilled out, relaxed, and waited for the Rangas.
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| The Rangas arrive. Nao and Chellz. |
Nao's character as a Ranga has been well documented but this was Chellz first trip with me (and feature on the blog) so background I feel is required to adequately prepare you for what is to come.
Chellz is Nao's best Ranga friend. She is a Ranga in the true sense of the word. My sister you probably think is as Ranga as it gets, but Chellz is the real deal. A Ranga Originale if you will. You see, Rangas come from all areas of West Auckland and the level of their Ranganess is dictated by this. Chellz grew up in the heart of West Auckland in the Henderson/Ranui area so is considered a pure blood Ranga. As all Rangas are, she has what could be interpreted as a curt quality to her expression, but (save a few street fights) is good at heart and means well. Chellz speaks a traditional form of Ranga, which even I struggled with, being out of touch, but hopefully you'll be able to follow along when required throughout this account.
I met the Rangas at the station and they were pretty pleased to see me. I hadn't seen Chellz since I left NZ so she gave me an extra big hug.
Chellz: "Wasssuuup ma fark Rangaz marfarka! Bis a farka long farka times rar! Use a farka bares change!"
Nao: "Wassup fark brutha. Mak urself a use an carry a bags fark."
We dropped off the bags, after which it was dinner time so we decided to hit the local (you guessed it) Ramen bar. Ramen is to the Japanese, what Kebabs are to the English. They are a quick, satisfying, easy fast food, of varying quality, that you can pick up and consume, then be swiftly on your way. The place I went to for lunch I learned, was at the med-high end because places along the streets we had passed were offering Ramen at ¥450! That's like £3! The place we went to for dinner was just down the road and of the med-low end variety but as far as taste goes, was just as good. I got this Miso broth Ramen and Chellz got the same, but my sister got the chilli broth which has always been her favourite. We sat down and enjoyed the meal.
Chellz "Dis da farka bes Rarmen ta da fark rar fark boatiful!"
Yohei: "Mmm, so good..."
Nao: "This isa real hots like I like it. Youz couldn't a handle. Othwise I offer use some."
(Yohei delicately blows his nose)
Nao: "Wat da fark?!?"
Chellz: "Wat da fark?!?
Yohei: "...What?..."
Nao: "Dont u know dats da most offence thing to do in a Japs fark?"
Chellz: "Farksa disgust farka ranga"
Nao: "It sounds all fark bubbly! Fark cant take a anywher"
Chellz: "Wat da fark?!?"
Yohei: "What have I done now?!?"
Chellz: "I wasa nah fark talk at u marfark fink a world revolvs! Chan! Ur farka lips ow! They a farka blows up lika sausag balloon!"
Nao: "What da fark!"
Yohei: "Must be from the Chilli."
Nao: "Shut da fark up marfark. Take a foto so I can a see."
Chellz is Nao's best Ranga friend. She is a Ranga in the true sense of the word. My sister you probably think is as Ranga as it gets, but Chellz is the real deal. A Ranga Originale if you will. You see, Rangas come from all areas of West Auckland and the level of their Ranganess is dictated by this. Chellz grew up in the heart of West Auckland in the Henderson/Ranui area so is considered a pure blood Ranga. As all Rangas are, she has what could be interpreted as a curt quality to her expression, but (save a few street fights) is good at heart and means well. Chellz speaks a traditional form of Ranga, which even I struggled with, being out of touch, but hopefully you'll be able to follow along when required throughout this account.
I met the Rangas at the station and they were pretty pleased to see me. I hadn't seen Chellz since I left NZ so she gave me an extra big hug.
Chellz: "Wasssuuup ma fark Rangaz marfarka! Bis a farka long farka times rar! Use a farka bares change!"
Nao: "Wassup fark brutha. Mak urself a use an carry a bags fark."
We dropped off the bags, after which it was dinner time so we decided to hit the local (you guessed it) Ramen bar. Ramen is to the Japanese, what Kebabs are to the English. They are a quick, satisfying, easy fast food, of varying quality, that you can pick up and consume, then be swiftly on your way. The place I went to for lunch I learned, was at the med-high end because places along the streets we had passed were offering Ramen at ¥450! That's like £3! The place we went to for dinner was just down the road and of the med-low end variety but as far as taste goes, was just as good. I got this Miso broth Ramen and Chellz got the same, but my sister got the chilli broth which has always been her favourite. We sat down and enjoyed the meal.
Chellz "Dis da farka bes Rarmen ta da fark rar fark boatiful!"
Yohei: "Mmm, so good..."
Nao: "This isa real hots like I like it. Youz couldn't a handle. Othwise I offer use some."
(Yohei delicately blows his nose)
Nao: "Wat da fark?!?"
Chellz: "Wat da fark?!?
Yohei: "...What?..."
Nao: "Dont u know dats da most offence thing to do in a Japs fark?"
Chellz: "Farksa disgust farka ranga"
Nao: "It sounds all fark bubbly! Fark cant take a anywher"
Chellz: "Wat da fark?!?"
Yohei: "What have I done now?!?"
Chellz: "I wasa nah fark talk at u marfark fink a world revolvs! Chan! Ur farka lips ow! They a farka blows up lika sausag balloon!"
Nao: "What da fark!"
Yohei: "Must be from the Chilli."
Nao: "Shut da fark up marfark. Take a foto so I can a see."
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| Ranga getting lippy |
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| Chilli Ramen. Guilty as charged. |
Nao: "Wat da fark. It look lika lips ben tacked by a fark gian wasps!"
Chellz: "It look lik a Anjelin Joly kis a farka allerg cactus!"
Nao: "Wat da fark!"
Chellz: "Wat da fark!"
... Yes, after 24hours without sleep, it was good to be amongst the Rangas again.
Chellz: "It look lik a Anjelin Joly kis a farka allerg cactus!"
Nao: "Wat da fark!"
Chellz: "Wat da fark!"
... Yes, after 24hours without sleep, it was good to be amongst the Rangas again.
Day 2: Family time
Chellz: "Wat da fark is wif dat farka showa?!?"Yohei: "What do you mean?"
Chellz: "Thers farka gret wall ofa china to jump to get in farka nerly busta ma vag."
Yohei: "Yeah it's a bit high. It's Japanese style."
Chellz: "Its a fark ridic povolt to tak a showa marfarka..."
(Nao enters from bathroom)
Nao: "I hopa uz dun wanna use a shits coz is gots splosive runs lika marfarks froma da Ramens fark disgus bowl destroy."
Suffering from a bit of time lag, we were all up by 5.30am our first morning in Tokyo. We got ourselves ready and decided to head to Harajuku to have a look around and get some breakfast. Harajuku used to be this place for shopping, punk-rock counter culture and Harajuku girls that I had missed last visit out, so was keen to see this trip. Have to say, when we got their I found it all a bit disappointing, even after the shops eventually opened. All they seemed to be peddling was tat off cargo ships from sweatshops and not much else, and there were hardly any punk-rock Harajuku girls! Only like one or two! Major letdown.
We stopped and had breakfast at this place called something like 'Nothing but Eggs'. I made that mistake you make when you order the wrong thing on the menu 'Omelette with Canadian Bacon' (Canadian Bacon is actually a type of ham in case you were foolish like me to think something called bacon, was bacon). The best thing to order looked to be the pancakes with a Kona Coffee instead of the ¥450 Nespresso ‘Latte’ I paid for.
Being a man of culture, serenity and peace I then suggested a nice walk around Yoyogi Park. The girls were happy with this idea, for a while.
Nao: "Well... Dis is a fark shit..."
Chellz: "Wat a farka stata da ovios guy... Wat da farka doin ere!"
Yohei: "It's a beautiful park! We're enjoying the trees, the temples, the shrines, nature..."
Nao: "Wat da fark?!?"
Chellz: "Wat da fark?!?"
Nao: "Who giz a fark about a tres?!?"
Chellz: "Or a shines?!?"
Nao: "Not a fark meh farka wasta time."
Yohei: "It's been 10 minutes!"
Nao: "Ten to many marfark... Let's go Daiso!” (Japanese equivalent of £ 1 store).
Chellz: "Daiso Rar!"
Suffering from a bit of time lag, we were all up by 5.30am our first morning in Tokyo. We got ourselves ready and decided to head to Harajuku to have a look around and get some breakfast. Harajuku used to be this place for shopping, punk-rock counter culture and Harajuku girls that I had missed last visit out, so was keen to see this trip. Have to say, when we got their I found it all a bit disappointing, even after the shops eventually opened. All they seemed to be peddling was tat off cargo ships from sweatshops and not much else, and there were hardly any punk-rock Harajuku girls! Only like one or two! Major letdown.
We stopped and had breakfast at this place called something like 'Nothing but Eggs'. I made that mistake you make when you order the wrong thing on the menu 'Omelette with Canadian Bacon' (Canadian Bacon is actually a type of ham in case you were foolish like me to think something called bacon, was bacon). The best thing to order looked to be the pancakes with a Kona Coffee instead of the ¥450 Nespresso ‘Latte’ I paid for.
Being a man of culture, serenity and peace I then suggested a nice walk around Yoyogi Park. The girls were happy with this idea, for a while.
Nao: "Well... Dis is a fark shit..."
Chellz: "Wat a farka stata da ovios guy... Wat da farka doin ere!"
Yohei: "It's a beautiful park! We're enjoying the trees, the temples, the shrines, nature..."
Nao: "Wat da fark?!?"
Chellz: "Wat da fark?!?"
Nao: "Who giz a fark about a tres?!?"
Chellz: "Or a shines?!?"
Nao: "Not a fark meh farka wasta time."
Yohei: "It's been 10 minutes!"
Nao: "Ten to many marfark... Let's go Daiso!” (Japanese equivalent of £ 1 store).
Chellz: "Daiso Rar!"
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| Yoyogi Park |
We headed home after this via Shibuya to get ready for our visit to our Obachan (Grandma). On our way Chellz saw a man publicly urinate into a grate by the Shibuya crossing, putting her in state of "Farka tromo". She stayed behind as myself and my sister were picked up by our Auntie Keiko to visit our 87yr old Obachan at the local hospital.
The best thing about Japanese old people is their tremendously positive spirit. They are extremely happy at that age. It's almost what they live their entire lives for their final few years (more than a few in the case of the Japanese) as a time of pre-heaven or whatever the Buddhist version of heaven is.
Our Obachan was ever so pleased to see me, and to a lesser extent her Ranga granddaughter. She couldn't believe how tall and handsome I was. Her memory has started to fade and I think her recollection of me was actually as a 6yr old because my last visit had been, as mentioned previously, 6 years ago, and I was tall and handsome back then too. We gave our Obachan a gift of pink soft sheepskin slippers which she thought were very pretty. We went soon after to let her rest and took the photo below.
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| Ranga and I with Obachan, staring at her favourite grandchild. |
Chellz: "When isa grows up, I wasa be lika fark ojichans."
Yohei: "Might be tricky Chellz."
Chellz: "Shut da fark up marfark"
The Sake was next. It's amazing how a bit of Sake can go along way in connecting people. Communication had been a little difficult up until that point. My Japanese was pretty average 15 years ago (C in 7th form Bursary), virtually non-existent now. Nao's Japanese wasn't too bad (better than her Ranga pseudo-English almost) and between that and the Sake we were able to converse and laugh the night away. We had some nice Sake too. They don't serve the crap stuff domestically in Japan. That stuff goes to export for ignorant gaijin (foreigners). What we had was quality, and the best thing is, you don't get hangovers from Sake. That's why the Japanese salarymen drink it so much. Because they can do so, and get up fine the next day. Anyway, we called it a night before too much damage could be done, to what was the end of a very enjoyable evening.
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| The Aunties, Uncles, Ojichan (far left) and us! |
Day Three: Catching up with Daichi
Chellz: "Farka me Isa feels farka hungova ta da fark."
Nao: "Yah. Same wifa meh."
Yohei: "Really? I'm feeling pretty good."
Chellz: "Fark u marfark."
Nao: "Ranga marfark."
The girls were doing their own thing today whilst I caught up with Daichi, his wife, and his young son Jijin. Daichi is my Japanese friend from way back. Friends of the family, Daichi studied for 3 years in Auckland (nearly completing a BSc Computer Science) before moving back to Tokyo and becoming very successful. We used to hang out back then, so now whenever I'm back in Tokyo, I try my best to catch up with my good friend.
Daichi is a man tremendous style and sophistication. Last time I visited he took me to the Park Hyatt Hotel for a drink at the same bar where they filmed 'Lost in Translation.' Today he was treating me to lunch, so I wasn't sure what to expect. He didn't disappoint. We ended up going to this very classy Japanese restaurant at the Hilton Hotel in Shinjuku with our very own Tatami Room. It was extremely exquisite. We had our own little Geisha hostess (she wasn't really a Geisha but did wear a kimono and was like a little doll), and then there was the food. Have you ever been served food that you've thought 'I'm not good enough to be eating this...'. This is kinda what it was like. The presentation was artistic and precise, and it tasted good! My photos probably don't do it justice but hopefully you'll get some idea.
Nao: "Yah. Same wifa meh."
Yohei: "Really? I'm feeling pretty good."
Chellz: "Fark u marfark."
Nao: "Ranga marfark."
The girls were doing their own thing today whilst I caught up with Daichi, his wife, and his young son Jijin. Daichi is my Japanese friend from way back. Friends of the family, Daichi studied for 3 years in Auckland (nearly completing a BSc Computer Science) before moving back to Tokyo and becoming very successful. We used to hang out back then, so now whenever I'm back in Tokyo, I try my best to catch up with my good friend.
Daichi is a man tremendous style and sophistication. Last time I visited he took me to the Park Hyatt Hotel for a drink at the same bar where they filmed 'Lost in Translation.' Today he was treating me to lunch, so I wasn't sure what to expect. He didn't disappoint. We ended up going to this very classy Japanese restaurant at the Hilton Hotel in Shinjuku with our very own Tatami Room. It was extremely exquisite. We had our own little Geisha hostess (she wasn't really a Geisha but did wear a kimono and was like a little doll), and then there was the food. Have you ever been served food that you've thought 'I'm not good enough to be eating this...'. This is kinda what it was like. The presentation was artistic and precise, and it tasted good! My photos probably don't do it justice but hopefully you'll get some idea.
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| Couldn't even tell you what this stuff was. |
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| Mmm... Sashimi... Mmm... |
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| Ice water Japanese style... I lie, it Sake in the middle of the day :) |
Daichi himself was in very good spirits which was good to see. He said when his son was born he realised this is what he was put on this Earth to do. Create armies of little babies to take over the world. Okay I made that last bit up but he was a very contented man, and good on him.
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| Me with Daichi's wife and son, Jishin with the toy I got him from London! |
That evening I invited him around a slightly less sophisticated Ranga cooked dinner at our apartment and Daichi brought with him some special edition Yebisu! Yes!
Day Four: Sakura Season
We'd been pretty lethargic so far this trip so thought it was about time to go for a stroll. I somehow managed the girls to come for a walk along the river in Ikejiri-Ohashi to Meguro (Rangas don't like a farka walk) where Cherry Blossoms lined both sides. We had arrived just at the end of the season (it was actually starting to get a bit cold) and the effect on the Cherry Blossoms meant the loose petals gently fell in the breeze, as the wind blew. |
| Sakura everywhere! |
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| Cherry Blossoms close up |
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| Capturing the Kodak moment with the Rangas |
Day Five: Yebisu, Donuts and the Sex Shop
Our day started with an argument between myself and Ranga Chellz about racism. From time to time, Rangas like to talk about the big issues. I was discussing the oppression of young Asian men in New Zealand (similar to apartheid) and Chellz said I was "speka farka bushit.". Once we were done (2 hours later) it was off for the final day.The Rangas wanted to do something cultural so we headed to Ebisu to a Beer Brewery. I didn't actually realise the Brewery we were heading to was the Yebisu Brewery, and that Yebisu was derived from Ebisu. It was nice to be surprised on all fronts. There wasn't much to the museum/brewery itself, but it was interesting to read that Yebisu is actually a malt beer based on the German method of brewing. Being a fan of German beers, it now made more sense why I had taken such a liking.
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| Me with a can of Yebisu |
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| Rangas happy with beer near |
With the cultural fix satisfied, it was back to shopping for the girls who dragged me to Shimokutazawa so they could go to a 5 storey Muji ("farka Mooj!" pronounced in Ranga). With about a billion of these already in London (all of which are exactly the same) I wasn't that much interested. I then developed a nostalgic craving for donuts. In my previous visits to Tokyo, donuts had always been a special treat. Donuts at that time, hadn't properly reached New Zealand, but were at their zenith in Tokyo. 'Mister Donut' which was everywhere was the main place for donuts, but in this trip I realised I had not seen a single one. As I thought about this more it became deeply concerning. Had the Japanese lost their love for the holy ringu? I remembered there was one in Shimokutazawa last time so decided to go on an expedition.
Shimokutazawa was actually what I imagined Harajuku would be like. Last visit I remembered it as a place to get cheap shoes and clothes, but now it seemed a bit more alive with bars, cafes and alternative culture. It was kind of like the hipster area of Tokyo. It made it all a bit more interesting then the other spots I had visited.
"Donut!!!"
The Rangas had caught up to me by this stage and spotted what I had been looking for. A Mister Donut. Initially we thought it was closed, but Chellz charged towards the door and scared it into opening. We went inside and had a look at the selection. As a kid, I remember being impressed by their assortment. This time, not so much. With Krispy Kreme's everywhere in London, these donuts unfortunately looked a bit dated and tired. It was the end of the day to be fair, but I could see why these outlets had disappeared. I picked out a simple Choco-Ringu and considered it mission accomplished.
Shimokutazawa was actually what I imagined Harajuku would be like. Last visit I remembered it as a place to get cheap shoes and clothes, but now it seemed a bit more alive with bars, cafes and alternative culture. It was kind of like the hipster area of Tokyo. It made it all a bit more interesting then the other spots I had visited.
"Donut!!!"
The Rangas had caught up to me by this stage and spotted what I had been looking for. A Mister Donut. Initially we thought it was closed, but Chellz charged towards the door and scared it into opening. We went inside and had a look at the selection. As a kid, I remember being impressed by their assortment. This time, not so much. With Krispy Kreme's everywhere in London, these donuts unfortunately looked a bit dated and tired. It was the end of the day to be fair, but I could see why these outlets had disappeared. I picked out a simple Choco-Ringu and considered it mission accomplished.
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| Shimokutazawa and Mister Donut (to the right) |
The evening had descended and the mood of the Rangas was changing, like Werewolves in the moonlight. They wanted to visit a sex shop!
There are several places you can go to in Tokyo for this but the Rangas' friends had told the Rangas about a particular shop in Akihabara, known famously as 'Electric Town'. Akihabara is basically the centrepoint in Tokyo for all things electronic but there is also a seedy side which includes maids on the streets, maids serving in restaurants, and maids in sex shops. The Japanese like maids evidently.
We arrived in Akihabara to the glow of the fluorescent lights and we found the Ranga's sex shop which was immediately outside the station. They marched in with gusto as I followed timidly like an innocent village boy from the countryside. The place was 7 storeys high and the Rangas were determined to see "fark everything.". About 4 storeys up, they started to get frustrated.
Chellz: "Wer da fark da good stuff?"
Nao: "Fark tell about it for real. Dis stuff for kidsagarden. I sen betta stuff on da web web web."
Chellz: "Fark yeh. Da web web web way beta dan dis shit."
Nao: "Yeh. Lets go find a PC-iPads."
We left and found burgers for dinner. We had been Ramen-ed out and I had been Ranga-ed out. I'm not sure if I had got the best out of Tokyo this trip, but I wasn't there to get the best. I was there to see family and friends. The rest was the bonus in between.
There are several places you can go to in Tokyo for this but the Rangas' friends had told the Rangas about a particular shop in Akihabara, known famously as 'Electric Town'. Akihabara is basically the centrepoint in Tokyo for all things electronic but there is also a seedy side which includes maids on the streets, maids serving in restaurants, and maids in sex shops. The Japanese like maids evidently.
We arrived in Akihabara to the glow of the fluorescent lights and we found the Ranga's sex shop which was immediately outside the station. They marched in with gusto as I followed timidly like an innocent village boy from the countryside. The place was 7 storeys high and the Rangas were determined to see "fark everything.". About 4 storeys up, they started to get frustrated.
Chellz: "Wer da fark da good stuff?"
Nao: "Fark tell about it for real. Dis stuff for kidsagarden. I sen betta stuff on da web web web."
Chellz: "Fark yeh. Da web web web way beta dan dis shit."
Nao: "Yeh. Lets go find a PC-iPads."
We left and found burgers for dinner. We had been Ramen-ed out and I had been Ranga-ed out. I'm not sure if I had got the best out of Tokyo this trip, but I wasn't there to get the best. I was there to see family and friends. The rest was the bonus in between.
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| Final photo with the Rangas |
